Ok, so we all know what the big news is. Marian Hossa will, for now, wear the logo of the Pittsburgh Penguins.

I could go through all of the normal stuff, but that was already done and done well by the blog below me.

So I’ll say something off the wall. For a woman over 40, Courtney Cox has wonderfully perky breasts. Delicious.

Would I rather have sweet, sweet intercourse with Ms. Cox or have Hossa be a Penguin? In a perfect world, both would happen. Ok, so if the Penguins can guarentee Hossa’ll be here long term, I’d rather have Hossa. If he’s a rent-a-player, I’d highly consider boning Cox. That is, unless the Penguins win the Cup with Hossa.

Yeah, I mean, I’d rather have sexual relations of the filthiest order with Scarlett Johansson then have Mario Lemieux come back in his 1989 form and lead the Penguins to five stanley cups in a row. Even if we were to bump uglies on one occasion, I’d think about that.

Colby Armstrong was and is a great man. He had a nose like the beak of a bird and skin as white as confectioners sugar or powder cocaine. He was funny as well as a smart hockey player. He’ll be missed. But Hossa is an upgrade. The Penguins are now that guy who becomes successful and breaks up with his girlfriend who he was with before he was successful. He then starts dating super models. It’s the American dream. Hossa is the American dream, son.

Hal Gill is a big, ugly chump.

Angelo Esposito has a great last name, but no balls.

I don’t know.

Goodbye Colby. In a future life, you will be a Penguin forever.